By Kevin Assam
Glenn Siegmund is a Webster, MA native and former CIO and IT professional with over thirty years of experience. Just why has he recently acquired Joe Coffee in Provincetown with longtime friends Mark Shaw and Peter McBrien? Is it an elaborate ploy to improve his dating prospects or are they teaming up to bring the most addictive year-round coffee experience to the Cape? Let’s find out between his manic shifts.
Three queers walk into a coffee bar in Provincetown with some time on their hands. What happens next?
Oh my god. Ok. They look around to see if there are hotties in line. If so, they start chatting about their adventures the night before just loud enough for the hotties to overhear. The goal is for them to ask questions to engage and give their phone numbers. Similar to a live Grindr app.
Do you recall your first queer experience with coffee?
I was a huge Janet Jackson fan. She was touting the benefits of coffee enemas and its ability to expel sad cells. I had my first queer date that same night and decided to kill two birds with one stone. I got rid of my sad cells and prepped for my date just in case the chemistry was right. It was euphoric. Although the next time I stuck with drinking it as half and half with added sweetener. It proved messy.
Who are the three queers behind the recently launched Joe Coffee in Provincetown and how did they get enough time off from work to pursue this venture?
We are Mark, Peter, and Glenn, collectively known as MPG – Miles Per Gallon. Our distinctive small batch locally roasted coffee is sourced from Indigo Roasters, which is owned by “our sisters” in the community of Northampton. We have been friends for 30 years. Me and Mark retired from corporate America where we were IT leaders. We are the same age but four days apart. Peter is the youngest and still works at a large insurance company as a VP. He supports our Rose Kennedy and vaping habits.
Your nicknames; who bestowed you with these titles?
We loved Dynasty in its day. Years ago, when I was being demanding over cocktails, Mark said: “OK Alexis,” and Peter burst out laughing. He commented that I was both Glenda and Alexis. As a Gemini, I have a good twin and a bad twin. I snapped back, “Mark you are a fake Fallon — nice and sweet but playing people behind the scenes. And Peter, you are Sammy Jo. Cocktails, cigarettes, and men all night.”
I’ve heard Ptown can be depressing if you’re a single gay man who’s already had his bike stolen. Is Joe’s the new playground for meeting a potential partner?
Never leave your bike around town with the seat off. It’s certain to be stolen in this gay man’s playground and parked near the dick dock. But, yes! Joe Coffee now has 66 patio seats up from 20–25 in years past. It’s a virtual meat market with no alcohol where you can flash a smile, share a piece of carrot cake, or take a sip of a younger guy or daddy’s latte. It’s the place to go — on Joe’s seaside patio! Grab yourself a new or at least a vacation spouse.
Will your dating life suffer tremendously from Provincetown’s notoriously demanding season work schedule?
I hope not. I’ve been single now for a while and am ready to go on a date. Ptown is an interesting place. It’s a vacation destination where people are coming to have fun for a week and not fall in love or date. But working on Joe’s patio all day should expose me to some hotties.
In life is it easier to ask for forgiveness than to get permission?
I am usually an ask for permission guy. As are my two partners. However, after years of life’s red tape I pick and choose now. I ask myself what really requires permission. And what really is ok to try first and then see what happens. Sometimes I have to ask for forgiveness.