By Branden Lee

 

I’ve put up with a lot in this relationship with Zimbabwe. But one thing I will absolutely not tolerate is having my blowjob skills insulted. I rarely do anal, so oral is my specialty. Guys always love my blowjobs, well apparently every guy I’ve been with except my boyfriend.

 

Zimbabwe is uncut, and I have always felt uncomfortable around uncut dicks. I’ve been with a decent amount, but they always seem foreign to me. Well, they are mostly attached to foreign men, but as a circumcised guy, I feel like I know how to handle a cut dick. I never know how guys like their foreskin handled. For some, it’s super sensitive, and others like it rough. I guess that’s true for cut guys too, but the extra skin throws me off.

 

I was super insulted my boyfriend actually told me to suck his dick like the guy we had a threesome with. Really, some random one night stand’s blowjob skills were superior to mine? I’d had enough. On top of all the fighting, Zimbabwe’s anger issues, and our sexual incompatibility, I couldn’t handle anymore.

 

The topic had arisen before, but I was always against it. But finally, I was ready to try it. Zimbabwe and I decided to take some time apart and try out an open relationship.

 

The week being open was much more fruitful for him than it was for me. I met up with one guy during that week, since I was busy on set working excruciatingly long hours with no time for a social life. I just played board games with the one guy I met up with, and I made him drive me around to run my errands. We did have lunch. I introduced him to his first taste of ramen. Apparently he was vegan, but he ate meat with me. Vegan/vegetarian guys are such a turn-off. I love meat, and I want a man that does too. Then the guy had some excuse that he had to leave to go to teach a dance rehearsal, he thought was canceled. Then I never saw or heard from him again. Weeks later I saw his Jack’d profile that said he’s a bottom not interested in other bottoms. No wonder I never heard from him again.

 

Zimbabwe had an active week. I could tell he was out with other guys since the only time he doesn’t answer the phone or return my calls right away is when he’s with another guy. At first I thought I didn’t want to know any details about who he was spending his time with. But that doesn’t work for me. I need to know everything.

When he told me, I knew I shouldn’t have asked, but I had to. I was pissed anyway. I thought being open meant we would just hook up with other guys. But Zimbabwe was spending time with this new guy. Like eating together, hooking up, it sounded like dating.

 

I was panicked. I was worried he’d instantly fall for some new guy, and only see that as happy times, when all of our time together was just fighting and negativity. Then he’d feel like he’d want to throw me away for someone new because he was a fresh slate.

 

I was immediately regretting being open. Zimbabwe is more sex-motivated than I am. It’s easy for him to have meaningless sex. Plus he’s a top in a city of bottoms. He’s got tons of options. Being open isn’t easy for me. I’m a bottom in a city of bottoms. Well, I’m also a bottom that doesn’t want to bottom. I prefer to get to know someone before being intimate.

 

I’ve been promiscuous in the past, but it feels harder to go back into my old ways. Especially now that I’ve experienced a real relationship. I know Zimbabwe and I have our faults, but I do love the man. The week we spent apart made me realize just how much I do love him and don’t want to be open.

 

Zimbabwe and I reunited. We decided to give our relationship another go and be monogamous.

Branden Lee is a writer and actor, now living in Atlanta. Follow Branden on Twitter and Instagram @Brandeness.