Don’t be a drag. Just be a King. Wisdom and advice from Peach columnist Scott King.

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Dear King,

Why do I care what other people think of me? I’m in my mid-thirties, but I still feel like a teenager on the inside. I’m mature, responsible, and well-adjusted to adult life, but I feel like I derive far too much of my self-worth based on feedback (and perceived feedback) from others. What’s up with that?

Insecurely yours,
Self-Doubting Thomas

Dear Doubting,
Try judging people less. It’s amazing how much insecurity melts away when we let go of our judgments and preconceived notions of others. You will have so much more fun at the club once you stop worrying about who is groovy and hot and who is an unsavory asshole. And yes, judgments go both ways, both in the positive and the negative directions. When you decide someone is super sexy and you want him to be your boyfriend for the month, that is a judgment. And it’s usually based on just a very little bit of information that is mostly superficial.

You’re probably nervous about people judging you, and what people think because your brain is filled with what YOU think about those people. Imagine a guy across the room. He’s also preoccupied with what people think of him. He can’t possibly have the time or brain space to be thinking about whether you are hot or not. Or care.

As you get older, you will find that, even though you do still care what people think, it affects you less and less. It’s a part of gathering experience in life. The little stuff bothers you less.

Unless you have clinical anxiety. Then I can’t help you. Then you should see a doctor. I’m not being facetious. I am literally just trying to help.

Good luck!

Dear Mr. Scott,
Is it okay to have crushes on straight guys? Is it okay to flirt with and hook up with straight guys? Am I being hegemonic or anti-LGBT when I allow non-queer cock in my mouth?

Thirstfully yours,

Mr. Andy Thropic

Dear Mr. Thropic,

Of course you are. How dare you!

I’m just kidding. From the mouth of babes, right? I have only heard this lukewarm ideology espoused by queens under the age of 26. And they are mostly quoting books they haven’t read. This lack of intellectual integrity makes it fun for me to pick apart, but it is dangerous in its influence on sensitive minds like yours.

No one should judge you for the type of person to whom you are sexually attracted, so long as both of you are human adults. As long as it’s not children or animals, someone judging you for your sexual orientation and your sexual taste is FASCISM. Resist!

Also, this idea that someone who constructs their sexual orientation or their gender identity differently from us is therefore not as good as us or is “wrong” is purely puritanical. Just as you shouldn’t shame someone for being bottom or being loudly and proudly fem, you shouldn’t shame someone for exaggerating their masculinity, unless this exaggerated masculinity becomes toxic, aggressive or hostile. Performative masculinity in and of itself does not deserve a sneer.

Hegemonic, normativizing queens can be found at all points on the gender and orientation spectrums. Just because I’m bougie or basic doesn’t make me a bad person. It just makes me different from you. A snide comment or an ostentatious eye roll is no more woke than a bro getting all up in your face.

Let’s all be better people! Thank you for your question.

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Do you sometimes wonder, ‘what is wrong with me’? Why do I get fed a shit sandwich every day for breakfast lunch and dinner? Is there a bee in your bonnet that you just can’t shake?

Well then, pull up a chair at King’s Corner, the new monthly spiritual/existential advice column in Peach.

Submit your queries to scottwilliamking@gmail.com and wait patiently for the sound of the royal trumpets of wisdom.