By Branden Lee
Before my ex, I used to say “single is all I know.” I’d been single my entire life before my last relationship. Never had to answer to anyone. Never had to compromise. Never had to worry how my actions impacted whoever I was seeing. Guys were disposable. Always coming and going. When one broke my heart, “on to the next one” was my motto. There was always a next one. There always has to be.
I’ve only lived in Atlanta 8 months, and I spent the majority of that time in a relationship. So just being in Atlanta reminds me of my ex. Being here reminds me of who I was when I was in a relationship. I definitely changed. I definitely evolved. I discovered new sides to myself. I discovered how to compromise, how to be selfless, how to take into account that it’s not just about me anymore. Relationships are teamwork. Which is also what I struggled most with while in a relationship.
My ex accused me of being selfish. Selfish because I’d get snappy when in a bad mood. Selfish because I never wanted to have as much anal sex as he craved. Selfish because I was discussing our relationship in my writing and blogs much to his chagrin.
I’m a Scorpio, an only child, and a spoiled brat. I know I’m selfish. I also was selfless more than I’d ever been while in a relationship. I never imagined I’d have to go through being the support system of someone that was disowned by their family for their sexuality or helping a partner deal with feeling suicidal. Yet I did it. I helped the person, I loved, through it.
It does feel a bit ridiculous to be dumped for being “selfish” because of trivial things like bad moods, lack of sex, and sharing my life stories with the world, when I was there for my ex in life and death situations. When I stuck by his side when he had nothing. No job, no car, no money, nowhere to live. Nothing.
That’s life. No one owes you their love. Love is fleeting. Which is why it’s important to be selfish in relationships. Never choose a man over what you love, because that man’s love for you isn’t guaranteed forever.
I’m not giving up my love of writing about my life, sexuality, and relationships because a guy doesn’t like what I have to say. That man is temporary in my life, but my history is forever.
I’m not going to give up my body to a man that I can’t even rely on to go a month without breaking up with me whenever he’s upset about something. Relationships are about trust and commitment, and the sex I enjoy most is with someone I trust and feel connected to. It’s impossible to have that connection when the relationship ends every few weeks.
I’m not going to give up being entitled to a bad day and being in a bad mood now and then, because a guy can’t handle it. Especially when I was there to help my ex through bad times, and when I didn’t know if he was even going to make it out alive. It’s overwhelming to have to not only deal with your own life problems but in a relationship take on someone else’s life problems as well. Sometimes that stress will get you down, but you have to overcome it on your own.
My ex ended the relationship because I was too “selfish,” so now I’m single again. It’s scary. I liked being in a relationship, but I also love my freedom back. I feel like so much stress has been lifted from my life. A burden has been discarded, and I have my independence back. I look forward to loving again, but for now, I’m enjoying getting to be selfish. I can do whatever I want, and only have to worry about myself. Being selfishly single feels amazing!
Branden Lee is a writer, blogger, and actor. Follow Branden on Instagram & Twitter @Brandeness, and watch his YouTube channel SexxxPerTease.