By Branden Lee
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say they prefer older men because they’re more mature. That’s not been the case in my experience.
Age doesn’t directly correspond to maturity. Some older guys are immature, and younger guys are more mature. Some men can go their whole lives without any regard for anyone but themselves. Some younger people have had to take care of themselves from a young age and grow up fast. Some older people have never had to struggle, and some younger people’s entire lives have been a struggle.
Lately, I’ve been more into younger men. I was skeptical when they messaged me. My age filter on apps is set to no younger than 24. I’ve always preferred guy closer to my age. Usually within three years older or younger. I like someone that understands my pop culture references and is just at a similar point in life. Perhaps it’s because my parents are only two years apart, so that’s how I grew up thinking couples should be close in age. Maybe it’s because in school all of my friends were in my grade. In college, all of my friends graduated at similar times. I just relate better to those closer to my age.
I’ve hooked up with much older men, and I’ve enjoyed it as much as hooking up with guys my own age. But I can’t fathom a relationship with someone much older. Intergenerational relationships just don’t seem pragmatic to me. They just remind me of gold-digging or mid-life crisis. I want someone that’s going to grow old with me, not grow old much before me. Granted we can all get ill and die at any age, but I’d still prefer to marry and plan my future with a guy that’s close to my age.
The guys I’ve been seeing lately are 23 and 21. A four and six-year difference. I thought I was done with college boys by the time I graduated, but I’ve been so deprived of meeting guys with degrees it seems like a bonus to get with a guy that’s still working on his higher education as opposed to one without one at all. Plus the 21-year-old just graduated, and the 23-year-old is still working on his degree. Ironically, they’re both in law school. I never had good dating experiences with lawyers, since they tend to be the biggest liars.
I’m enjoying these younger men. They’ve chivalrous. Paying for dates, paying for my Ubers home, picking me up for dates, etc. Some guys I hooked up with recently my age and older kicked me out of their hotel in the middle of the night with no regard for how or if I made it home.
These younger men have been inviting me on trips, holiday functions, and introducing me to their friends. All things I never even got to experience with my ex of six months who was older than both of these guys.
It doesn’t matter how old they are; it matters how they treat you. Don’t dismiss younger men because of stereotypes. Granted a lot of them are fuckboys, still figuring themselves out and learning what they want. That can be said for older men too.
I do think the whole age not corresponding to maturity indeed impacts gay men because we all come out at different ages. We’re all on different stages of our journey of becoming comfortable with our sexuality and finding our place in the gay world. Maybe the guy you like just came out and is in his slut phase. Maybe you’ve done that already, and you are ready to find a partner. Find someone you love, that loves you, and wants the same things. Regardless of their age – well as long as it’s legal.