By Branden Lee
Another Atlanta Gay Pride has come and passed. Gay Pride was amazing this year! I did spend most of it working but still had a terrific time with friends. I missed the parade and park festivities my first year in Atlanta because it took me hours to convince my boyfriend at the time to come to Pride. He acted uncomfortable with his sexuality and being around so many gay people, but it was just another of his lies after I discovered he’d been out the whole time and only pretended to be closeted.
Anyway, this year’s gay pride was so much better than last. I didn’t get too wild. I definitely went crazier for Black Gay Pride. I did meet a cute new boy visiting from out of town. Not much happened besides making out and dancing together, and then we did see each other at the park the next day. I’m glad I got to see him before he headed back to Texas.
I do fall for guys easily. My friend said I get bored easily. Which I want to deny, but it may be partially true. I’m a Scorpio. We’re either obsessed or not interested at all. I was seeing someone recently, but I feel over him since he didn’t put in any effort to see me during Pride. We were originally supposed to hang out, but he chose to hang out with his friends instead of me. It’s whatever. He lives too far away, even though here I am crushing over a guy that lives in another state.
It’s still a weird period in my life. I’m turning 28 next month. I’ve been single since February. It’s Cuffing Season. I want a man, but don’t want problems, and all boys come with problems. I’m enjoying my independence, hustling and making money, having fun with friends, and living my life without having to deal with a man.
I do miss being in love. I miss coming home to a guy. Cuddling together. Cooking together. Going grocery shopping and running errands. I miss watching shows together, and not having a care in the world. All I want to do is hold and be held by the man I love. I need to find a man to love.
Maybe that’s why I fall so hard so fast. I just think of all the possibilities and our future together. All that I’m yearning for in a relationship. Maybe this guy will be the one. Then when he’s not, I move on to the next one. Maybe this next guy will be the one. The cycle continues.
I’ve always been a hopeless romantic. Even though I can be a slut that moves from one guy to the next with no remorse. I do love to love. I believe in love and do have hope that each guy I fall for will be the one for me. Hope is the only reason that we put in an effort for love. Hope that we will find the one for us. That we’ll find our happily ever after, even if happily ever after isn’t realistic. We just want to find our “soul mate,” even though that’s an abstract term.
I’m really torn between “fuck love” and “I want to be in love.” Atlanta is getting dull. I’ve been here over a year, and I feel like all I see are the same guys in the clubs and online. Maybe I’m meant to be with a guy that lives far away. Outside the city, or even in a different state. I do frown upon long distance especially if it’s not for a set temporary amount of time.
I’m open-minded. I’m getting older. My best friend is having a baby. My very first close friend to have a baby. It’s an odd feeling. It doesn’t give me baby fever or make me want to go and get married anytime soon. Thankfully most of my friends are in the same boat as me and can’t keep a man either.
I’m getting tired of going from man to man hoping he’ll be the one. I’m ready for a boyfriend, even if it’s just temporary. I need a break from promiscuity, and I’m ready for love!