Q

Every year, I do the same: I make all these resolutions about exercising more, eating better, and just being an overall better person. This year, I included a resolution about not hooking up with that many guys and seeking quality over quantity. But as with every year, my resolutions don’t last for long, and I end up hating myself for not being able to keep these promises to myself. So far, I’m doing great on the exercise and diet portion, but I have had so much casual sex already. I feel like I let myself down. How can I make changes that will last?

A

So many of us roll into the new year with a list of resolutions and that “new year, new me” mindset. Never mind that the list of resolutions is the same as last year, now is the time for “new YOU!” And just as many end up letting those resolutions down and return to our old habits feeling defeated. But here’s the thing, a resolution is nothing but a decision made in a mindful moment, and that’s it. If you think of it, it’s more like a quick fix to a larger overall process in your life, and that doesn’t come as easy as making a resolution–and that’s why so many resolutions are unfulfilled! Goals, on the other hand, are much more concrete and they are not tied a particular time of year like a new year’s resolution. When it comes to your wish to hook up less and have more meaningful connections, you may want to start with examining why you end up with casual hookups. If you start thinking of this as a process and not something to merely spring into effect because of a resolution, then you may learn to shift your focus onto self-discipline and self-awareness. There’s no way around the fact that significant self-change requires motivation and work, but that work also leads to confidence and self-improvement.

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