Where has the magic gone?
Kiss a little, touch a lot, roll over and stick it in. My boyfriend and I have only been dating a year, but the sex is already predictable. Every time used to be exciting, but now I’m bored.
We used to build little moments all the way up to the big moment. Now we’re basically getting there so we can sleep. I can do myself faster – and sometimes better.
Bit Onerous, Repetitive Expected & Dull
Sex takes two, and I’m reading a tinge of blame between the lines. Take ownership of your passion and stop waiting for him to figure it out.
Step one? Reflect on your own fantasies. You can’t make your relationship all new, and you wouldn’t want to start over, but you can tap into what made it hot in the first place. Whether it was the extra time you took, or the way he smelled freshly showered for a date, there’s a lot you can recreate time and again for years to come.
Once you’ve revisited what turns you on, it’s back to my oft-repeated, number one piece of advice, ever: Communicate. Tell him what you want. Here are a few things that tend to work:
Talk dirty. When you’re out, tell him how badly you want him. Sneak a hand onto his crotch and tell him what you want to do.
Wait for it. Letting it simmer includes after you’re naked. Extend foreplay. Tell him where to place those kisses. Place more than a few of your own.
Put on a show. Point out your erection while you’re still at the restaurant. Duck into the men’s room for a quick flash. In bed, make him watch you touch yourself and vice versa.
Take charge. If you’ve been rolling over, get on top. If he’s worked up, slow down until he begs.
My longtime partner and now husband has all but given up doing little things to win my affection. Where are my flowers?
Not Even to Express Deep Yearning
Go buy flowers if you like flowers. Then give them to him and say you were thinking of him. Enjoy the view together, and mention you used to do such things for each other.
Daddy loves his boys. He knows the answers you need, and you’re going to get them. Reach out with your burning questions via our editor, firstname.lastname@example.org, and put “Hey, Daddy” in the subject line. Warning: Advice in this column is intended for entertainment and novelty. Proceed at your own risk. If you’re in trouble, ask a professional for help.