‘My boyfriend treats me well and is conscientious about my feelings … but he also stalks me and my friends.’
My boyfriend treats me well and conscientious about my feelings … but he also stalks me on Facebook.
His ex cheated on him really bad, so I try to be reassuring that there’s nothing to worry about. I answer his questions about my social media activities with some patience, but lately the jealousy has escalated.
Now he monitors not just me, but two of my longtime friends as well. He even accused one of them and I of sneaking around behind his back to have sex. It’s embarrassing.
Now a third friend found out he set up a fake account to see “what we were really up to.” He really loves me, so how can I get him to chill?
But Love Is Not Deceitful
We can’t work on him without his input, but you can work on you. Even with just your side of the story, we have plenty to go on.
You say he cares about your feelings. Neither of those things is true. The behaviors you describe are the opposite of respect.
This guy says you’re sneaking around, but he’s the one with a secret profile. If he really believes you’re untrustworthy, why is he still with you? He says he loves you, but what you describe is selfish obsession with someone he’s trying to control.
Whether it’s because of his ex, or because he subconsciously feeds on the drama, you have to deal with his behavior as is. You’ve got your own problems, and he’s at the root of them. Before your silence is taken as consent and it escalates further, stop making excuses and cut him loose.
I can’t get my mom to break up with her racist, homophobic boyfriend. Now they’re coming to Atlanta to see me – and my (non-white) husband. I love her and want to see her, but how do I tell her not to bring him?
Disdain Only, No Empathy
It’s easy: Just tell her. You can get together without him, or they can visit town and not see you. She’ll get the message, even if you miss her this trip. Ultimatums are usually the last resort, but it sounds warranted.
Daddy loves his boys. He knows the answers you need, and you’re going to get them. Reach out with your burning questions via our editor, firstname.lastname@example.org, and put “Hey, Daddy” in the subject line. Warning: Advice in this column is intended for entertainment and novelty. Proceed at your own risk. If you’re in trouble, ask a professional for help.