How men in their underwear like drop-dead sexy Conor McGregor will end homophobia

By Scott King

PRO WRESTLING MAY NOT BE gay, but I sure am. All the beautiful mens rolling around in their beautiful underwear, flexing and posing and talking smack about who’s going to come out on top.

Just another Saturday night at the club.

These days, if you watch any indie or mainstream pro-wrestling, or pretty much any genre of MMA fighting, the win or lose or top or bottom dynamic really seems to have nothing to do with any sort of pejoratives one might sling at gay people.

The WWE has made a (somewhat awkward) effort to include LGBT characters and storylines in its three-hour weekly primetime soap opera. And the wrestlers, especially the younger ones, wink at and embrace (literally, sometimes) the gay component of their audience.

Have you been on the Internet lately? A bro’s a bro, a narcissist’s a narcissist, and love is love.

WHICH BRINGS US TO CONOR McGregor. I’m pleased and flattered to say that Mr. McGregor is my newest Ginger Snap celebrity doppelganger. He’s not even a butterface. He’s not as dreamy as Tim Kruger, but he makes up for it with attitude. He talks trash like a drag queen on poppers, and you can tell he at least graduated high school.

He also dresses well. He is not metrosexual. He’s a showman, and one with style. When he and I talk on the phone and discuss all of our gingersnap queerbait issues, he tells me about how he understands that no matter what you’re doing, no matter how much of a hunter-gatherer monster truck rally you are, it is, at the end of the day, about having the stuff to backup the flash and the trash.

THAT’S WHY THEY CALL IT training. You may not realize it, but when you go to the gym you’re not just doing it to be social. You’re doing it to train yourself to be a hottie. Or to be strong. Or a fighter.

It takes discipline to walk in there every day. It took courage to go in there for the first time when you weren’t feeling too sexy for your shirt. Remember when you didn’t feel confident peeling off your sweaty top in front of 15 sweaty men? I know, right?

I don’t mean to sound presidential, but I have a theory for which I have no proof. I think the average gay guy goes to the gym so that he can get laid and so that he can look good with his shirt off, on the dance floor or at the beach. I think the average straight guy works out in order to impress other straight guys. But it’s all good, bro. A like is a like, a bro is a bro, and Jack is jacked, bro.

SPEAKING OF BROS, HAVE YOU noticed men hugging lately? On talk shows, in the bars, and at the “business conventions.” I remember very distinctly from my ‘80s and ‘90s childhood that for one man to admit in any facet that another man was attractive was almost as bad as being queer itself.

I am not joking. Men did not hug. There was not even the bro hug to get us by.

But now, they hug. I’m convinced it’s because of gays and the internet. Because of the internet, we are no longer quite as afraid of gay people.

The Millennials have been brought up with the internet and so much available porn that the mysteries of gay sex are no longer a mystery. I have yet to receive one awkward furtive eye contact gay sex question from one of my young heterosexual friends. I have so many.

GAY PEOPLE TEND TO HUG each other. We have a lot of love to give. Because our perception and presence in pop culture and actual culture has changed and grown, I think we have become an inspiration.

The first part was the metrosexual thing, which was superficial and boring. The second part was the hug.

It’s no accident that the MMA fighters, after they beat each other’s once beautiful faces in, end it all with a hug. Sometimes a long hug.

It’s because they’re so sensitive.

Sex is violence. Violence is sex. None of this necessarily makes you gay, but if you are gay, that’s okay.

Any questions?