The Sexiest Men Alive in 2021
by Scott King
2021 was an unusual year. Here are 15 unusual – and unusually beautiful – men who made the last 365 days worth living.
Lil Nas X
In 2021, subversion went gay to the top – of the charts. But this time around, it wasn’t nihilistic or navel-gazing like it was in the ’90s. This time, it was plucky, queer, and gleefully sex-positive. Lil Nas X is my hero, and one hot piece of ass. Or two, depending on whether or not his pants have “accidentally” split open on national television.
Too bad they don’t give out Oscars for best supporting on-screen push-ups. If they did, this introverted beefcake would win every year. His rapping is thoughtful, but not so hot. Nonetheless, Riz Ahmed is a talented and promising actor and eye candy on the red carpet and social media. Bravo!
Who knew hot people could be funny – and feel the real deep pain necessary to fuel a successful stand-up comedy career? Matteo smiles in his selfies but admits it’s all a farce in his act. That’s the kind of versatility I like!
Everybody loves Steve Kornacki. And those khakis. Very spankable. Sorry ladies, Steve Kornacki is gay.
Happy birthday, Mr. President. I would say you get better with age, but then I look back at those pictures of you when you were first running for President. I couldn’t see your beauty clearly at the time because I loved Hillary so much, but damn, you were a babe. Still are. Thank you for your service.
I dare you to publicly support a politically moderate Democratic candidate for national office. All your self-righteous über-liberal and progressive friends will lecture you in public, and private. Afterward, you will have new empathy for conservatives who have to deal with trite knee-jerk lefty arrogance 24/7. It is cathartic and oh-so hilarious. Also, Secretary Pete is hot!
Being unbelievably fabulous is hot. Changing the game is hot. Watermark Emmy acceptance speeches are hot. I also hear he’s into bears. That’s hot.
Georgia Senators Raphael Warnock & Jon Ossoff
Making Georgia blue is hot. Flipping the U.S. Senate blue is even hotter. Let us not forget, amidst the drama of daily headlines that Senators Ossoff and Warnock defeated two of the biggest bozos in Congress who were all-in on Trump and Trumpism and the Tea Party insurrectionist folderol. Georgia not only flipped blue for Biden, but it also flipped blue for these two hotties who are emo bros to the end. God bless the USA.
Being out in sports entertainment is hot. Being super-duper DUPER hot is hot. Being in a really cool bro-ish heel tag team that’s totally badass and not at all douchey is even hotter. And those guns. Anthony Bowens is long out of the closet and will talk to you about it in interviews, but it doesn’t affect his pro-wrestling character or kayfabe. And that’s really who he is. He isn’t hiding, but he also isn’t flaunting. His orientation, at least. He’s just there. Making his presence and his jacked upper body known throughout the land. That’s progress.
Gurl. rehab looks good on you. I’ll admit, and I’m guessing Mr. Mulaney agrees with me, that it is very odd that this prosaic stand-up comic is now ubiquitous tabloid clickbait. That’s what happens when you go to rehab and then come back and get another celebrity pregnant and then quickly marry her. It also happens when you’re very talented I hope. And sexy. If you haven’t already, please binge-watch all of his stand-up specials. Your empathy and vocabulary will thank you.
Michael C. Hall
Versatility is hot. Consistent, the quality craft is also hot. Whether it’s Hedwig, David Fischer, or Dexter Morgan, Michael C. Hall becomes the character he is playing. But the character of Michael C. Hall is also a fascinating polymath. Check him out. Also, do yourself a favor and download his reading of “Pet Sematary” on Audible. You won’t be able to sleep, and you won’t want it to end. Kind of like a new lover.
Being underrated is hot. Heck, being hated, dissed, dismissed, and ridiculed is even hotter. If you survive to have the last laugh. I’ll admit, I had kind of forgotten Third Eye Blind even existed until I saw a rave review from Pitchfork for their latest record in my news feed. But I haven’t forgotten about Mr. Jenkins’s hotness. The new album brought back all his vulnerable matinee idol pathos. And now I am once again obsessed. You win again, Internet.
World Series championships are hot. Cute smiles are hot. Fan favorites are hot. I know nothing about baseball.
He’s not really my type, but y’all insisted. Also, he looks damn fine in a dress!
Your Scruff/Grindr Feed
Do not take 21st-century life for granted. Back in my day, we had to drive around looking for love. Or whatever. It was inconvenient. It was dangerous. It was usually a bummer. If you would have told me then that, 20 years later, I would be able to check out all the available hotties in the area (or world) from the comfort of my living room or riding home on the train, I would have said yeah, that makes sense. Is it ready yet?